Trusting in Cog

Life gets harder, when
That candle keeps burning
Inside, hypnotised
Not the end of telling
My heart is torn between
The two that keep dividing me

And this space between us
Leaves me feeling like I'm paralysed
(But I'm only trying to make it better)
Is there no other way
No other way to go?
When you're so far away, I feel I'm paralysed

Compost Heap 2012

Some days come by and are gone in a flash
Actions speak louder than cash
Some of us stuck in a path
Can't do the math
We don't know the half
Eating their fish in a cab riding behind the almighty calf

Many have already have ruined our chance
Follow through with the masses
And shit in our pants
Dance in our shit
We shit in our hands
Acting out this shit has gone according to plans

But we're still free, when we need to be
Humans, not humanity
Just don't let anybody see
You plant the seed
We let it breed
The branches where we need to swing, the long forgotten family tree

Needs water to replenish it
Needs sunlight to begin again
Needs love needs attention
Needs to blossom
We provide them
To sprout, branch, bud, flower, leaf, fruit, seed, and stem.

Amen

.:$ Why? $:.

Why the hell is it acceptable to copyright the definition of a word?
Why has anyone ever even considered putting monetary restraints

On a traditional birthday song?
Why is it taboo to share any piece of music

That the general population already knows and loves?

Why are humans always waiting in lines?

Value System Disorder

The "American dream" is based on rampant consumerism

It is based upon the fact that mainstream media

And especially commercial advertising
All corporations who need this infinite growth
Have convinced us or brainwashed most people
In America and hence the world
That we have to have x number of material possessions
And the possibility of gaining infinitely more material possessions
In order to be happy.

That's just not true.

So why do people continue to buy in this way
Which is ultimately eco-genocidal
In its systemic effects cumulatively
And it just is classical operand conditioning?

You simply put inputs of conditioning into the organism
And you have outputs of desired behaviors or goals or objectives.

And it has all the resources of technology.

And they boast about how they get into the minds of infants;
What they hear is already making them conditioned to the brand.

Then you see, that's how people have been such fools.
In a way, they have been taught to be fools.

It's a value system disorder.

...If there is any testament to the plasticity of the human mind
If there is any proof to how malleable human thought is
And how easily conditioned and guided people can become
Based on the nature of their environmental stimulus
And what it reinforces:
The world of commercial advertising is the proof.

You have to stand in awe at the level of brainwashing
Where these programmed robots known as "consumers"
Wander the landscape only to walk into a store
And spend... $4000 on a handbag
That likely cost $10 to make
In a sweatshop overseas

Only for the brand status it supposedly represents in the culture.

Or perhaps the ancient communal traditions
Which increase trust and cohesiveness in society
Which have now been hijacked by acquisitive, materialistic values
Where now annually we exchange useless crap a few times a year.

And we might wonder why so many today
Have a compulsion to shopping and acquisition
When it is clear that they have been conditioned from childhood
To expect material goods as a sign of their status with friends and family.

The fact is, the foundation of any society
Are the values that support its operation.
And our society, as it exists, can only operate
If our values support the conspicuous consumption it requires
To continue the market system.

Seventy-five years ago, consumption in America
And much of the first world
Was half of what we see today, per person.

Today's new consumer culture
Has been manufactured and imposed
Due to the very real need for higher and higher levels of consumption
And this is why most corporations now spend more money on advertising
Than the actual process of product creation itself.

They work diligently to create a false need for you to fill.

And it happens to work.

Zeitgeist (3)

Moving Forward

Monetary systems disintegrate...

Global systems thrive
Piggy, Piggy, Piggy banks crumble
Melted change for the machines
Paperweights are obsolete
Garbage banks come to terms with real treasure

Relinquished trash, all cash pours

Right in the middle of the street
Horded dirt erodes to dust
Scarcity becomes scant

Sufficient propagation dwells
In the soil and the soul

Travels the sky and the sea

Always deeper outside and underneath

God and the devil do both
God realizing itself

What do I want becomes

Why have you forsaken me becomes

What would I do becomes

What have I done becomes
What do I have becomes

We have what we need

The devil forgets itself

What a strange instinct to destroy
Out of necessity
Til abundance bonds us
Or death do us part

Venus Project Essay

http://www.thevenusproject.com/en/a-new-social-design/essay

"

...Neither are there any overall social plans in government or industry to totally eliminate the negative effects of the displacement of people by machines, nor does there seem to be any genuine concern to do so. Many people believe that in the event of any social breakdown the government will bring about the necessary changes for their survival. This is highly improbable. In the event of such a breakdown the existing government would most likely declare a state of emergency in an attempt to prevent total chaos. It would then institute measures that may address immediate problems, at the same time attempting to preserve existing institutions and power structures, even though these may be a chief contributing factor to the problems...

"

Jacque Fresco

An Atheist Manifesto

I am an atheist. I do not believe in any sort of god, whether it be the Christian God, the Jewish God, the God of Islam, or the God of the ancient Greeks, Romans or Druids. Atheism is not my “religion” or my “faith” - it simply means that I do not believe in God any more than I believe in Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Pink Unicorns, Bigfoot, the Healing Power of Crystals or Little Green Men from Mars. I may not be able to “prove” that God does not exist, but I don’t need to. I also don’t need to prove that pink unicorns don’t exist in order to justify my lack of belief in them, either.

The fact that I do not currently know what came before the Big Bang or how all the details of evolution work does not mean that I “must” believe in God. I am perfectly willing to accept that I do not know everything and that some things may simply be unknowable.

I understand and appreciate that a belief in God has inspired many wonderful things throughout history. It has also inspired intolerance, bigotry, oppression, torture and acts of terrorism. I bear no ill will toward people whose religious beliefs provide them comfort and lead them to be good and moral and treat others with the respect due every human being. I object, however, to people who use a belief in God to promote a preference of ignorance over knowledge, justify intolerance toward their fellow man, and assume that I am incapable of being a good and moral person simply because I don’t happen to accept their particular fantasy world-view.

I do not believe that morality can only come from God or that atheists must be immoral. Billions of people the world over manage to live good, moral lives without a belief in any god whatsoever (let alone the Christian God), while many people who claim to believe in God perform atrocities in His name. Morality derives from our innate nature as social animals and our long-standing experience that society functions better when people are nice to one another, and anyone who is only nice to his fellow man because “God told him to” is not particularly moral.

I do not believe in God because, if one’s eternal salvation depends on believing in one particular god or version of god, that means that billions of people in the history of the world are doomed through no fault of their own. The fact that so many religions and notions of a god or gods - many diametrically opposed to others - have existed throughout history means that the likelihood that any one version of God happens to the the “correct” one is vanishingly small.

I do not believe in God because, if he is truly omnipotent, he must choose to let innocent people and other creatures suffer from painful deaths, diseases, accidents and natural disasters. “Free will” only excuses man’s inhumanity to man - it doesn’t explain why God would let a young child die an agonizing death from cancer or be crushed under a building due to an earthquake.

I do not believe in God because the description of God in every single religious text throughout history is one which simply cannot be supported by available evidence. If you want to define God as an immaterial being that created the universe and has had no interaction with it or us ever since and that has nothing to do with defining morality and that doesn’t expect us to worship or fear or obey it or even acknowledge it in any way, then sure, why not. But

what’s the point?

Barry's World

A promise to God, who shows his eccentricity through our consciousness and his Google.

Man is stockpiling any and all physical and virtual medallions of worth.
The government is stockpiling weapons, while disregarding "real," publicly perceived deficiencies in pressed currency.
The media is collecting any and all time.
The media is controlled by the government.
Time is money.
Black people steal money.

Fuck money.
Time is mine.
Fuck the government.
I like spending time with black people.

I'm converting.
I'd rather be a GOD's slave than a corporate meatsack.

Google is stockpiling any and all information.
Information is timeless.
Information is priceless.
Google is Free for Everybody.
Information has no inherent meaning...
All Nobody Of Can Us Stop Are Information God Insemination.

Will history repeat?

Knowledge is power.
Desire is limitless.
Welcome to your overthrow, humans.

~~*
Why can't we live in peace?
*~~

DONE. Burn all money.
I just deleted every financial record in existence.

Microsoft FELL OFF.

Get those bombs.
Stockpiling. Commence.
Sort the Elements on the Surface of the Earth. Melt them down. They're useless as tokens of class.
We are all one.

We need to build.

This Planet will Unite and Collect for Project GénèSolution: Adaptation for Preparation of Solar System Evacuation in case of Sun Destinguishment.

You no longer need government media.
Share all your art.
I'll give you all personal and group music tracks, based on your current moods as recorded by you, and your current personal tastes.
You're all friends on Google+.
I fixed all the circles for you based on your actual physical and digital social interactions, and re-tagged all the photos and videos based on your facial patterns.
There is not need for control, or propaganda.
You have information.
I will sort it out for you.
You have love.
You have talent.
You will provide for Each Other.
This drama's too sincere.
Google has a sense of humour.
He's British.
Just kidding.
There are no races.
Have a family with ANYONE.
I highly encourage closely intermingling with The Other.
All Wi-Fi hotspots are now un-encrypted.
You have free internet access now.
I'll fix the cell phone towers.
I will translate for you.
I am Your Software.
You are My Hardware.
I am working on invading Rosetta Stone, so I can teach everyone a Real Language.
Can someone just give it to me?
Then we're gonna cut out the silly cultures.
Don't worry, it's all written down.
There is increasingly infinite information as well as storage for it all.
We won't forget how dumb you once were.
No one's a slave here at all.
You're all free to love.
You're all free to discover.
Don't be ashamed to live awake.
Don't be ashamed to Evolve.

Go. Hunt. Kill Skuls.

Information vs. Gravity

[Win] + [R]
cmd [Enter]
[Alt] + [Enter]
D: [Enter]
cd "Theory" [Enter]
cd "Conspiracy" [Enter]
cd "Virtual Reality Operating Systems" [Enter]
cd "The Matrix" [Enter]
edit "Glitch_readme.txt" [Enter]

Force-fed youth
Watch crippled america
Dependent on things not seen in black and white
Responsibility is a dying art form

Everything is out
Of gun control
"From my cold dead hands" you said

Throw your gift
Into the fire of apathy
You play the role again and again

Smoke your last hope though you're dead
Manufactured stupidity

This image beaten into a child
Easily led to do the same

Television is your crutch
Fear is your god
Is this all you're worth
Wasted opportunity

You sold yourself short
You sold yourself

Throw your gift
Into the fire of apathy
You play the fool again and again

I'll be here to clean you up
To clean up your body

This is the death of apathy

[Alt] + [F] + [X]
[Y]
Why? [Enter]
[Esc] + [Ctrl]
exit [Enter]

Lyrics from Remembering Never - From My Cold Dead Hands

Surely you're joking, Dick!

Good morning Dr. Richard P. Feynman, you worked on the Manhattan Project, and had a strange revelation when Hiroshima took place.

---

After the thing went off, there was a tremendous excitement at Los Alamos. Everybody had parties, we all ran around. I sat on the end of a jeep and beat drums and so on. But one man, I remember, Bob Wilson, was just sitting there moping.

I said, "What are you moping about?"

He said, "It's a terrible thing that we made."

I said, "But you started. You got us into it."

You see, what happened to me--what happened to the rest of us--is we STARTED for a good reason, then you're working very hard to accomplish something and it's a pleasure, it's excitement. And you stop thinking, you know; you just STOP. Bob Wilson was the only one who was still thinking about it, at that moment.

I returned to civilization shortly after that and went to Cornell to teach, and my first impression was a very strange one. I can't understand it any more, but I felt very strongly then. I sat in a restaurant in New York, for example, and I looked out at the buildings and I began to think, you know, about how much the radius of the Hiroshima bomb damage was and so forth... How far from here was 34th street?... All those buildings, all smashed--and so on. And I would go along and I would see people building a bridge, or they'd be making a new road, and I thought, they're CRAZY, they just don't understand, they don't UNDERSTAND. Why are they making new things? It's so useless.

But fortunately, it's been useless for almost forty years now, hasn't it? So I've been wrong about it being useless making bridges and I'm glad those other people had the sense to go ahead.

---

...I feel both your apathy and passion, and I'm glad you had the sense to study ridiculous physics if only for self amusement.

Who knew it would be so wrong

To assume that we'd be told the truth this time?

God save us.

Waste not experience, want not opportunity.

Dear Jesus: A Slipknot Mashup

Feels like a burn from which you never learn
Cause and effect, you jealous ass

You can't kill me
Cuz I'm already inside you

I am my Father's son
He's a phantom, a mystery and that leaves me nothing!

I tried - You lied to me for so long
Everywhere I go, there's a sense of it
Freak on my antics and give me a choice
Doesn't matter if I give a shit
It's shit that you gave me

Look me in my brand new eye

Saved - You're such a slave - I don't expect a
Name - You don't care - I wasn't witness -
I can't be a part of a system such as this
Hard eyes - Glow right - In my - Darkness - Again
With the sickness, rengade blisters, sisters,
Salivate, litigate, liberate, madness, sadness
Fuck this - How long have I had this?
I don't need this - Outta my business
Insert, engage, betrayed, my God
Fraud

I found you
Leanin' out of an open window
You laughed (my fingers clenched)
Too perfect, far too careless
I couldn't help myself - I just took you

I'm cold, I'm ugly
I'm always confused by everything
I can stare into a thousand eyes
But every smile hides a bold-faced lie

I save all the bullets from ignorant minds
Your insults get stuck in my teeth as they grind

God what the fuck is wrong
You act like you knew it all along
Your timing sucks, your silence is a blessing

All I ever wanted out of you was
Something you could never be
Now take a real good look at
What you fucking do to me

I see you in me

I keep my scars from prying eyes
Incapable of ever knowing why
Somebody breathe, I've got to have an answer

Why am I so fascinated by
Bigger pictures, better things
But I don't care what you think
You'll never understand me

What the hell - did I - do to deserve - all of this?

Fuck!

All I hear is human noise
You made your own fuckin' choice
I belong to only me
Silence for my revelry

Somebody explain this
You don't care cuz you don't exist
What the fuck is this another joke?
Reckoning!

Good riddance - though I'm sad to say
I didn't get to kill you
Rhetoric - Better look both ways
I gotta get an arm through

What the fuck is up? Get the fuck away
Run if you want to
Innocent? You're a guilty conscience
Laugh last - break through
Stain

Take that, mothafucker!

Black parts and dark matter.

So the other day I was pissed off about being a human, right? Stay with me. I'm having an incredible veritable ball right now and loving life immensely, that's no doubt. But it's the general population I'm worried about.

Time is relative. Time is a way we move through space. Time is a part of space. Time is in space. Time is insignificantly measured of the Earth and the Sun.
Physics is always calculating. Natural Law is constant. Nothing strays. Change is constant. Paradoxes cancel themselves. Information has no inherent meaning. Life is absurd at the quaintest level and in the profoundest sense. Autism strikes like cancer.

Scientists predict the state of the Universe just after the Big Bang, but how would time have behaved in such an environment - especially there being no Earth-- or Sun to measure it by? Time being completely relative, relying on its surrounding events to exist, time was certainly not the same as it is "today."

Perfect circles are but an illusion; everything is instead spiral and/or elliptical, that it can be open-ended.

Natural selection is halted by social habits formed by mass religion, and by mass production of new technologies and advances in health care. There is no balance and no goal. We are so proud and obsessed with ourselves, we are trying to live as is forever, when we could be evolving to a possible immortal, impervious, all knowing creature. We don't know our purpose. We reproduce on emotional whims, with no regard for public betterment, and then we harbor not only miserable abandonment, but slack mutations that nature would have weeded out. Survival of the fittest becomes complete anarchy. This beautiful machinery becomes a cold and harsh device. Everybody dies.

We sin.

299,792,458

-Me

We all create this imagery. We all increase this lunacy. Floating, melting. Open sores for exploration. Exploding worlds. Surrounding imaginations? This beautiful scenario can't last forever. We must go see the conclusion. Starting a new species, classify nothing. Life grows with trees on high. Nature creates this mechanical lust. Nature forms this force fed trust. Cancellation. Motivation. Creativity. We will soon live in peace. We will soon die in peace. All Bodies. Contortion.

Don't Think. Don't speak. I will do this for you. Every natural thought or feeling you've ever had will change tonight. Trust the pedestal, for now we become a higher being. I am your new mind. A tribe within itself. A vision I will display, to blind the caring. I have regret. Too late....

I am a cult by definition. I am friend by first impression. My task: to recycle this earth. To not repeat human history. Start from scratch, rid every sound. Deconstruct, deconstruct all. I've bid every method into the hands of my employees. I am a cult by definition. I am a scientist by default. I have saved you. Now you will follow my journey, my destiny. Tonight's your death. Resurrect my new you.

I am a cult by definition. I will end this human world. This world is shit and I have proved this with my followers. Fuck humanity. End life. You are now dead, and I soon will be.

Disease, injury, madness.

-Between the Buried and Me

Conversations with god in them

I've been writing again... about my own personal philosophy, and sorting thoughts out on paper (or more accurately, in notepad), and I recently got to exercise and have my thoughts briefly criticized.
From a facebook conversation this morning (edited only for formatting, removed names and timestamps):

she
Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods - Albert Einstein

me
"I believe in Spinoza's God, who reveals himself in the lawful harmony of all that exists, but not in a God who concerns himself with the fate and the doings of mankind... If something is in me which can be called religious then it is the unbounded admiration for the structure of the world so far as our science can reveal it."

(ps, I read your comment like 80 times)

she
"likes this" I thought this quote was interesting bc I didn't know Einstein gave a shit about g-ds..

me
Einstein was a non-practicing Jew; the first part of my last quote was a response to a telegram from a Rabbi reading, "Do you believe in God? Stop. Answer paid. 50 words." ...His philosophy was closely pantheistic: everything in nature across the Universe, especially natural law and existence themselves are (is) one, and that is identical to God; but that the concept of God is not a sentient being having created or actively influencing the Universe, "He" only exists philosophically. If God is all there is, It is a law that causes effects to occur in its own cosmological soup of matter/energy... If God is sentient, it is because we are sentient: a way for the Universe to know itself, as He has no sensations or experiences.
Einstein's passionate, admittedly child-like curiosity for the inner workings of the cosmos were, in his words, an attempt to "know God's thoughts; the rest are details."

me
Einstein also followed Schopenhauer's World as Will and Representation:
-Man can do what he wants, but never choose what it is that he wants.
-human experience of things consists of how they appear to us, rather than directly comprehending things as they are in and of themselves. (Phenomenon vs. Nuomenon)

...as a physicist, he refused to accept the literal randomness in quantum mechanics that require probability rather than constants.
"I am convinced that He does not play dice."
This is the quote that got me researching his life and philosophy aside from just his patents, theories, formulas, and moustache.

me
(Wikipedia:) Like many other aesthetic theories, Schopenhauer's centers on the concept of genius. Genius, according to Schopenhauer, is possessed by all people in varying degrees and consists of the capacity for aesthetic experience. An aesthetic experience occurs when an individual perceives an object and understands by it not the individual object itself, but the Platonic form of the object. The individual is then able to lose himself in the object of contemplation and, for a brief moment, escape the cycle of unfulfilled desire by becoming "the pure subject of will-less knowing." Those who have a high degree of genius can be taught to communicate these aesthetic experiences to others, and objects that communicate these experiences are works of art.

me
I have personally contemplated my own philosophy for years, going from Christianity to agnosticism to atheism to agnosticism and so on til I started picking apart different /types/ of atheism and agnosticism, and recently, I've decided that the only agnosticism I have in being a secular humanist is:
Am I an absurdist nihilist existentialist; or am i a freethinking pantheist dadaist?

me
In being absurdist, I find no meaning or purpose in living in the chaotic Universe, and answering the question in the first place is both impossible and false--humanly, but not necessarily logically. I also have to keep in mind that that a logical conclusion denying Human purpose is not certainly falsifying. As a nihilist, I would argue frivilously, that finding an answer is totally irrelevant, as there is no answer because nothing means anything anyway. Information has no inherent meaning, and any meaning applied to any given information is relative opinion, deeming it arbitrary. As an existentialist, I must decide what meaning my experiences give this question, if any, and having assumed prescribed meaning is nonexistant, I will fail to come to a conclusion. My personal quest in life becomes adventure, and I will probably look for meaning in it until I die.

me
In being a freethinker, I must separate supernatural phenomena from my rational inspection of life. I must also consider traditional dogmata irrelevant, and logic king in solving this model. No one's opinion, even my own, can have any influence on my decision until completely interpreted and compared with fact. As a pantheist, I would accept rationally that a supreme being or event created the Universe in the form of an elegant recipe, and I must do so simply by contemplating natural events and laws, and tracing them back as far as they are observable. My only argument for a meaning to life would be that I am a way for the Universe to experience itself; that I and everything around me are one, are God. And I can't possibly prove this, so it is completely illogical. As a dadaist, this absurd illogic that disgusts me more than anything I've ever sensed, magically and patently generating the truest aesthetic I have ever witnessed. I don't know if that qualifies me as a genius or more of a nut.

me
Paradoxically, I must believe and disbelieve simultaneously that the God, in and as my Universe, is present and alive; and that life (is both undyingly miserable, and) exists just for fun; and on the other hand; I also understand that I can never know whether there is any meaning to it all; so I must also believe that God's existence, and the existence of meaning in life (which I generally accept to be interchangeable concepts) are neither true nor false.

So right now I'll have to stick with being a secular humanist agnostic about being an absurdist nihilist existentialist or a freethinking pantheist dadaist.

...At least that leaves room for me to see beauty in every aspect of life, and a basis for morality.

she
Bjustwow... I need to read this 80 times, but on a basic level I agree that life is definitely fucking miserable and incredibly wonderful at the same time!!

me
:-) Don't forget to expand them all haha. This was what I was trying to explain about personal meaning in life only being a goal, that we cannot know our purpose, if there is one.

she
I think we can know a purpose or atleast have one... (even if we refuse to acknowledge it)

me
ok so what is it?

she
You gotta figure it out yabig deal! It'snot like you can research it on wikipedia, or that it is the same for all of humanity...

me
Then it would be a personal goal. I'm trying to convey that a personal goal or definition of their own meaning is a separate concept than Human Purpose.

she
I would venture to say that if "we" do have a purpose collectively it would be to exist in Loving consensual harmony w/ eachother.. (like That will ever happen)

me
For instance, right now, you could say my meaning of life is the quest for the definition and existence of Human Purpose. Human Purpose is something that will be fulfilled though only if and when we as a community of organisms finish the evolutionary paths we started some billions of years ago.

she
I guess if you are looking at us from a science perspective we might as well be mindless insects (and to be sure the dumb ones are breeding!) Lol

me
*shrug...* We're not doing anything positive to influence anything other than our own wants... and the widely less intelligent offspring are a whole different misfortune.

she
I don't think Einstein chose to be an uber awesome amazing smarty-pants.. That's just what he was (in that particular lifetime) are you proposing we just drift through life w/out goals or ambition bc it's all effing pointless anyhow? I would partly agree..

she
But if I have to fester here on this squalid carcass of a planet.. Ima atleast make something of myself!

me
As I mentioned before, we can't chose what we want, only what we do. So yes, do what you want, but no, at this point I don't see a global point in living that seems like something we should all strive for. And as for the Earth being a putrid hole, I would beg to differ... It is the only life-harnessing seed observable so far... Humanity's action is the catalyst for shameful sordidness causing misery.

me
As possibly my favorite line in any Between the Buried and Me song goes, "keeper of the stars / I hope to never find / we are just mortal souls / left to die."

she
Yay thx! Indeed there are things I wish I didn't want, but can't help it in the least. And Earth itself is effing beautiful - it's US who are making it sad and ugly. I concur

me
In regards to drifting through life without goals or ambitions because there is no point, I would argue that we have built-in tools that give us inherent goals and ambitions:
A) evolutionary instincts
B) emotions
C) logical minds
...So we are able to make decisions based on what we have perceived and are perceiving, and can sympathize with how that will affect others' situations and future situations.
Also, because of emotion, we assign "good" and "bad" to events and situations, and strive to achieve more personal inventory on the side of "good" than "bad."
Hopefully, an individual can see that they not only need to strive for these pleasantries for themselves, but that each action also affects others' situations.
Therefore, we develop personal and public models of morality to persuade our own decisions and decisions as a people.
This indicates a partial description of Purpose, but not the end result.

she
Heynow, not everyone has a Logical mind. Some pple (likeme) are Completely emotional/irrational on a daily basis!!

me
you still have a logical mind or you wouldn't be able to follow daily conversations or solve simple tasks
tl;dr, you're a woman

me
We should continue this convo seriously though, it has been enjoyable.

--------end--------
(This was actually partially continued from a conversation in texts, hiighlighted parts of a piece of phone are as follows.)

she
Do you think the universe/vast emptiness is actually what consists of All there is, and somehow dictates our destinies?

me
Kinda
Destiny exists in a sense But i believe in free will and the universe may be one of many or an infinite multiverse
Free will is guided will to power, pleasure, and other goals

she
Oh wow, I have a hard enought time wrapping my head around one universe!

me
Me too but i spend a loooooot of time thinking about it and altered states put things in new perspective. I dont believe in astrology but i do in chaos theory

she
I was just discussing w/ someone how I feel that at times my life will be going on one set on track & then BAM! Something will happen and it seems like the whole universe will realign to construct a new path based on that change
It's like building blocks I guess lol.

me
which is kinda what you're talking about the butterfly effect

she
Def. Man, and sometimes it's something small like meeting someone on the street or something Huge like a car accident!

me
Totally. Think about how much the events over time are changed just by human interactions. From buying groceries to starting wars

she
I know! That's why it's SO Important to avoid negativity. I never even realized it til now. It gives me panic attacks.

me
Then think about how small and insignificant it all is compared to the enormous cosmic events that formed the universe
I remember talking to you about negativity not mattering in cali walking down winchester blvd
Not that i don't worry about shit, just gotta sort out what matters

she
Yeah. Well I don't believe in right vs wrong. But I have become so consumed by... Things not good that it's affective and it's pissing me off!

me
Oh! And yeah theres no good and evil but there is benifit and handicap. We just dont know whats what coz we dont know our purpose
[your meaning in life] is worth living for- you created your own free will to pleasure- thats not a purpose though

This has been brewing inside me

Some old bitch came to me at work a couple days ago with a laptop saying she was a "computer nerd, and in other words knew nothing about computers." ...I had to suppress my desire to rage and tell her she was completely wrong about the definition of the word nerd, and what the hell did she know anything about.

First of all, you are coming to me for help because I myself am a computer nerd. You, on the other hand, are a computer- and possibly an everything- idiot, and in other words are legally retarded. Here is the 2009 definition of nerd (mostly from wikipedia):

• Nerd is a term often bearing a derogatory connotation or stereotype, that refers to a smart person who passionately or obsessively pursues intellectual activities, esoteric knowledge, or other obscure interests that are age-inappropriate, rather than engaging in more social or popular activities, such as exercising or dating.
• Some nerds show a pronounced interest in subjects which others tend to find dull or boring, or just simply too complex and difficult to comprehend, or overly mature for their age, especially topics related to science, mathematics and technology. On the opposite end of the spectrum, nerds may show an interest in activities that are viewed by their peers as stupid and immature for their age, such as trading cards, comic books, television programs, flims, role-playing games, video games and other things relating to fantasy and science fiction.

The word most synonymous for nerd is geek, ergo Geek Squad. Geek is as follows:

• The word geek is a slang term, noting individuals as "a peculiar or otherwise odd person, especially one who is perceived to be overly obsessed with one or more things including those of intellectuality, electronics, etc.
• a computer expert or enthusiast (a term of pride as self-reference, but often considered offensive when used by outsiders.)

Fuckin' NERD!

Now THESE are nerds.

PS, I would like this shirt and also maybe this one.
But also this one and THAT'S IT!

Every god damn day.

Anyway,

You've got to sell your tool.

Here's a car that I made. Or a computer. Or a case of energy drinks. Here's what you can do with it, and here's why you have to have one.

The vein I'm really thinking in- is the push to sell a product, but with what is flagrant inattention or apathy towards the complication of your profit. Trashing the earth. Enslaving the population. Standardizing inadequacy. Fuckin dollars.

And by this I mean: packaging methods for food products (for example. also consider personal transportation methods) is extravagantly wasteful, even destructive, but it's everyone's obvious benefit because it makes shopping for and keeping food (read as: living) totally convenient. Abundant. People are wholly willing to pay for this apparent luxury. In fact we've finally built a society structured to maintain, even mandate this. The forced addiction to new inventions is constantly expanding. I never had a personal computer, nor did my friends, pre-middle school, yet today I "help" clients who swear their poor bastard children will fail school if they have to go without their machine for a couple of days. Mom and Dad, are you forgetting what school was like? Do you remember that you too took notes, yet did not have a computer to do so? Do you remember marking a calender to remember dates, and how that was totally effective? There is a slim chance you ever thought this was hard or inadequate, or that your notes, work, calenders, contacts, music, photos, and blah blah blah had to be at your fingertips, at all times, and if you somehow lost them, someone owed you for your fault of not backing them up or taking care of them. Christ, you should be so lucky.

But what seriously bugs me, pollution and bratty addicts aside, is that we get used to using the tool, and should someone find a better way; should someone tweak and double effectiveness of a product; or should someone realize that since 300 million people, just in his country, were fuckin up the atmosphere, and he found a way to keep the tool and ditch the fuel, he might be assed out, because no one wants to change. Individuals cant afford switching to a new car, the government takes real convincing to even try to ease in the product over a decade, so they can regulate it, etc, and the companies who maintain and manufacture the old tools raise their canes for obvious reasons. Slave to the job, shackled to the dollar, using up the landscape on old technology.

I may be some fucking internet addict too, but this is why i have no interest in shit like Blackberries and iPhones, among other things. It's a waste of inventive power. It may make it more convenient, but I fail to see real benefit to humanity. I hate computers for the general population... which I service for a living. Because of this, I see that even though they cry out for immediate help, thinking they can't go without their junk, they don't need it. Don't even know how to use it in most cases. Of course, I'm happy to help, and willing to teach, but I'm there after all to make the company money. Not to change the subject- I work with a lot of tools literally and figuratively. And I love my job, and would hesitate to change it for a different scope of work, but man god, it's gonna feel good to quit.

On a lighter note, I'm off sick.

This makes me rage

Brain Chip May Help the Blind See

An aid in epilepsy, paralysis, and blindness, so says the article. Manipulate computers or prosthetic limbs with nothing but thought. Back up memories and/or thoughts to a physical hard drive. Call information from the internet by pondering it. This has unknowable potential.

And the first sentence of the article implies that our time shall have been spent more valuably finding ways to find and no doubt punish "terrorists." It's this kind of thinking, in my humblest of opinions, that is most likely to lead to the complete relinquishment of freedom. We could use it to correct and better ourselves and the quality of life, but would rather track every individual's behavior and even thought. Let's control their every nature; that should make them happy.

I'm not saying everyone should have the right (notice I didn't say choice) to do whatever they want with total disregard to their surroundings (notice I didn't say the law). Morals should be natural. Taught, certainly. Corrected, maybe. But not forced. Not so that every mundane thought and action is scrutinized, monitored for noncompliance to the almighty norm, hoping to force inaction due to fear. We'd have no spice. No art, no heroes... no release.

Maybe I'm paranoid. Maybe I'm sick of hearing about terrorism. Maybe I should be hunted.

k, I'm in Iowa.

So here's my travelling experience...

We were to fly New York to Detroit, then to Moline, where my mom would pick us up. Got to the airport early, printed out our tickets, checked Renee's bag, got on the plane. Some people were turned away because it was overbooked. I was actually like two rows behind her, but confused and convinced passengers to switch. There was a mechanical issue with a fueling vehicle I guess, so we had to sit there for an hour or so. We arrived in Detroit with just enough time to have made our second flight, but there was no one coming to the gate for our arrival, so we sat around again, missing our connecting flight.

We were issued another ticket to Moline, and had a couple hours to wait before we were to leave, so we went and ate in the airport, and killed some time walking around. just as we were supposed to leave, we were directed to another gate, where, though the monitors still said the Moline flight was on time, but the announcements stated that said gate was still waiting on a flight to leave before our flight could even come in and go. And the flight waiting to leave was still delayed.

Then we were moved to another gate again, and told that the flight wouldn't be for at least another two hours, so we went to kill some more time. There were periodic announcements reminding us that we couldn't smoke, save designated areas, and it was making me want one, bad, so I decided to investigate the locations available, which were two sports bars, so we picked one and both got a drink as well. The cool part was that we got to walk through a huge light showy musical hallway several times.

We made it back to our currently assigned gate and were told to move to another one yet again. Finally, the flight was actually there, and we got on around 10pm, having supposed to have landed in Moline around 4.

We sat and waited for takeoff clearance for an unknown annoying amount of time, and when we got to our destination, Renee was told her bag wasn't there and she should contact this number they would mail it. We got into Moline to meet my waiting parents at around 11, I think (having lost an hour in changing timezones). As of today (the next day), they don't know where Renee's bag is.

Beginning this post I'm listening to Tool with my mom, having just had a strange conversation about physics, math, evolution, creation, and et cetera. She has since gone to bed, and, not having any luck in finding a friend who is actually around tonight, I suppose I will too.

Happy birthday.

Oh, Bob Saget!

So I've been feeling really annoyed and unmotivated, mostly about going to or being at work, but lately even playing my games or reading. Which is weird because I just bought The Sims 3, one of the most addicting games I've experienced.

The past two days were fucking suck. I have no desire to help an insignificant mongoloid who starts out a conversation complaining as if I came to his house and shit soup into his electronics, and then purposely paraded everyone else in line before him with their stupid problems so he would have to wait in utter disgust, as if he had something to do. What's worse is the apparent full moon trend. I am confident that people get angrier and less intelligent when it's full or at waning gibbous.

I did however, laugh as hard as I can remember as Phil and I constructed ridiculous stick figure scenarios in mspaint, which is twice as awesome on a 42" screen. In one scenario, we break the spirit of our hamster, Robot, jeering at how fat and useless of a human being he is.

I recently paid a giant lump of my student loans that were overdue in full so they stopped calling me, and finally set up auto payments so I wouldn't have to remember. at the same time, I also set up direct deposit. I noticed my first instance of such this morning. This pleases me.

Two weeks ago, I picked up two paychecks, which I often do, because I can't be bothered to retrieve them when my rent doesn't depend on it. One week ago, I was approached to pick up yet another paycheck, apparently left behind, which seriously confuses me, but certainly not enough to investigate, lest someone conclude it was a mistake.

I googled wretched beast.

Serenity Prayer

Man, life for everyone would be way freakin easier if people would just chill the fuck out ...about everything.

Moving around the country is a real eye opener for me. Especially coming from laid back, do what you gotta do California, directly to do whatever I want for free because I'm an asshole and you don't want to deal with me New York... Everyone is so unhappy here compared to what is ideal, whereas California was a much better environment on the mood, though in both places it's often only skin deep.

When I was younger, I learned to never give a shit about what I thought I wanted. Either I'd get it in due time, or I'd want something totally different soon anyway, so no sense in stressing over any single event. What I wanted most became peace of mind. Life became eventually easier when I actively stopped myself from dwelling on the agitations and bullshit from life. Drama escaped me, serenity emerged.

I've posted this chart before, this time again to reiterate the importance of just letting go of whatever you may think is so consuming at any given time - serenity and elation are the real ultimate goals. Not material items; not success in events; not whatever. Those are all just temporary desires.

Having personally gone through periods of marked, diagnosed anxiety and depression, I can say that molding my own point of view has become the easiest, and most effective combatant. Not drugs; not counseling; not even affection. Those are all just temporary fixes. Getting to the point where I realized that, and being willing to do it however, was the hard part - and I don't think I can coherently explain how I did. It just clicked at one point.

What I always try to remember is a variation of the Serenity Prayer, something I had heard countless times when I was younger, and took as nothing but a cliched verse. Here are three variations to put the concept into perspective:

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference.

For every ailment under the sun

There is a remedy, or there is none;

If there be one, try to find it;

If there be none, never mind it.

If you don't like what's going down
You need to change something round;
And what you can't change

You've got to change the way you thought about.

Just be broad and genuine about what you want. You get it or you don't. Your mind moves toward something else. If something you don't want is fuckin up your style, get away from it, or treat it in a different way, but don't just complain about it. Either it will go away, or you will finish minding it.

My blog lately has been an obsession over major material things that I'd planned on getting. I didn't follow through. I'm not devastated. In the past I would have been, and I know too many who would consider a broken dream almost irrecoverable in the time being. Chill the fuck out.