Serenity Prayer

Man, life for everyone would be way freakin easier if people would just chill the fuck out ...about everything.

Moving around the country is a real eye opener for me. Especially coming from laid back, do what you gotta do California, directly to do whatever I want for free because I'm an asshole and you don't want to deal with me New York... Everyone is so unhappy here compared to what is ideal, whereas California was a much better environment on the mood, though in both places it's often only skin deep.

When I was younger, I learned to never give a shit about what I thought I wanted. Either I'd get it in due time, or I'd want something totally different soon anyway, so no sense in stressing over any single event. What I wanted most became peace of mind. Life became eventually easier when I actively stopped myself from dwelling on the agitations and bullshit from life. Drama escaped me, serenity emerged.

I've posted this chart before, this time again to reiterate the importance of just letting go of whatever you may think is so consuming at any given time - serenity and elation are the real ultimate goals. Not material items; not success in events; not whatever. Those are all just temporary desires.

Having personally gone through periods of marked, diagnosed anxiety and depression, I can say that molding my own point of view has become the easiest, and most effective combatant. Not drugs; not counseling; not even affection. Those are all just temporary fixes. Getting to the point where I realized that, and being willing to do it however, was the hard part - and I don't think I can coherently explain how I did. It just clicked at one point.

What I always try to remember is a variation of the Serenity Prayer, something I had heard countless times when I was younger, and took as nothing but a cliched verse. Here are three variations to put the concept into perspective:

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference.

For every ailment under the sun

There is a remedy, or there is none;

If there be one, try to find it;

If there be none, never mind it.

If you don't like what's going down
You need to change something round;
And what you can't change

You've got to change the way you thought about.

Just be broad and genuine about what you want. You get it or you don't. Your mind moves toward something else. If something you don't want is fuckin up your style, get away from it, or treat it in a different way, but don't just complain about it. Either it will go away, or you will finish minding it.

My blog lately has been an obsession over major material things that I'd planned on getting. I didn't follow through. I'm not devastated. In the past I would have been, and I know too many who would consider a broken dream almost irrecoverable in the time being. Chill the fuck out.

You cheeky monkeys

now I don't know what video card to get...

SAPPHIRE 100259-1GL Radeon HD 4870 1GB 256-bit GDDR5 PCI Express 2.0 x16 HDCP Ready CrossFire Supported Video Card - Retail

BFG Tech BFGEGTX2801024E GeForce GTX 280 1GB 512-bit GDDR3 PCI Express 2.0 x16 HDCP Ready SLI Supported Video Card - Retail

I did not buy PC parts.

I bought these:

LG - 42" 1080p 120Hz Flat-Panel LCD HDTV

Regular price $1500

Best Buy end of life price on a six month old display model (without remote) being replaced by the newest model, with four year service plan, seperate HDMI cable, component cables, and HDMI/DVI adapter, total price $650

Panasonic - 1000W 5.1-Channel Home Theater System with 5-Disc Upconvert DVD Player - Black

Regular price $415

Circuit City going out of business sale price $300

-Like holy shit.

Also, :

To do:

1. Count farmable spawns in BM and Freak Missions, and further my statistics for each, in reguards to reward vs. time spent. - 27 vs. 59, average
   
2. Take inventory of Badges needed for remaining Accolades for Dime.
3. Move SirWhittock tomorrow afternoon. He should get his Day Job Badges for his current location.
4. Tomorrow is payday. Pick up your fucking check. Investigate it for discrepancy rectification. Still out one week worth of pay difference between my old wage and raise.
5. Buy this NIC if we have it in the store, as newegg has been out of stock for too long. Found it in the Norwalk, CT store:

   D-Link DWA-556 PCI Express Xtreme Desktop Adapter

6. Deposit paycheck. See next blog.
7. Order shipment 1 compilation from newegg as soon as the check goes through:

   Western Digital VelociRaptor WD1500HLFS 150GB 10000 RPM SATA 3.0Gb/s Hard Drive

8. Antec TruePower Quattro TPQ-1000 1000W ATX12V / EPS12V SLI Certified CrossFire Ready 80 PLUS Certified Active PFC Power Supply

   Thermaltake A2016 80mm Blue LED Case Fan

   Thermaltake A2018 120mm Blue LED Case Fan (x2)

   Thermaltake XCONTROLLER 5.25" Drive Bay Kits - Fan Controller w/ LED Light

   Clean out Desktop PC in preparation to use the case for the new machine, transfer old parts into extra case.
9. Find more comics to upload.
10. Watch the remaining parts of To Die in Jeruselem on youtube.
11. Charge the camera.
12. Mill over the thought of finally making the purchase on Shipment 2 in due time:

    Intel BOXDX48BT2 LGA 775 Intel X48 ATX Intel Motherboard

13. Intel Core 2 Duo E8500 Wolfdale 3.16GHz LGA 775 65W Dual-Core Processor

    CORSAIR XMS3 DHX 4GB (2 x 2GB) 240-Pin DDR3 SDRAM DDR3 1600 (PC3 12800) Dual Channel Kit Desktop Memory (X2)

    BFG Tech BFGEGTX2801024E GeForce GTX 280 1GB 512-bit GDDR3 PCI Express 2.0 x16 HDCP Ready SLI Supported Video Card

    Thermaltake CL-P0370 92mm Enter CPU Cooler

    Arctic Silver 5 Thermal Compound

    Drool over the monitor I'll get after all this:

    ASUS VW266H Black 25.5" 2ms(GTG) HDMI Widescreen LCD Monitor

I get all the beast reviews

I did some farming today for once on City of Heroes with Dime a Dozen. Need to stock up some Influence for my wagered race. Also powerleveled a new toon on the other account, from level 10, past 22, sufficient to start effectively enhancing, so I can play him with considerable confidence in teams, considering he's a tank. Consider. I was soloing part of the map set to 8 teammates, while another farmer took a different route, and I was reassured of my superior farming ability, when I had to go clear bosses several times when he died, though he was also a sound and speedy farmer.

In running both my accounts on the same machine, after awhile I started getting Vista messages warning of low memory available. Having 4GB installed, and Home Basic recognizing about 3.25 of this, especially not noticing any lag, I was validly annoyed, and upon breaking from the game, I researched a way to turn off these messages, but couldn't readily find one, and decided to increase my pagefile to 4GB maximum, from one.

Not having farmed regularly for a few months, I was surprised to start getting tells from people who noticed my farming again earlier today, as soon as I logged back in. "can i join ur farm" ..."am i farming?" (I mean I wasn't even in the zone where farming is done...) Playing this toon irregularly, and without farming, I'd forgotten about this vexatious attraction of random scum taking note of my name.

I shat mid-post just now, aggravated at someone's neglect to refill the toilet paper again. Was caught offgaurd this time however, un-noticing until after I was assed out. Thanks guys.

Today's comic posts exists to explore the eccentricity of the vocalization of words, consists ending in -st, -ts, and especially -sts:

Satanist absurdist priest infests gusts from wrists with ghosts, beasts, and pests at nihilist adventurist's waist from east in contest, who adjusts costs, casts airbursts at mists from west, beats priest.

Fights last minutes at most, guests impressed, boasts hosts.

Pacifists insist in jest, last standing gets best pants.

Nihilist adventurist quests to construct and rest in nest in protest to satanist absurdist priest, publicists' roasts list as racist and sexist.

Tattooist tastes toasts with typist, "must be a blast!"

Yesterday's, today's tree photos:

Me Tuesday, yawning before bathing; grinning smugly after, with a fro'd mohawk:

Try befriending embers.

Funny.

Heart-stoppingly, endearingly FUCKING awesome.

Personal opinion.

Uber Farm Logistics Statistics

For those uninterested, and for my own amusement and pride, This post will be a compilation of definitions of stat-maxing, for my City of Heroes farming toon, Dime a Dozen.

I can't see any other way of improving her build, which I planned pretty much entirely in accordance to maximum possible +Recharge from Set Bonuses, but it's also the highest AoE damaging build per attack available, for a Fire/Kinetics Controller. (Fire/Kin is by far the most popular build esp. for farming - hence the name Dime a Dozen - and even with cheap ass, generic, non- Set Bonus Enhancements, it is a build that's able to easily solo at least a 6-man map.)

My ultimate goal is to be the fastest at soloing an 8-man map of two of the four most popularly farmed Missions: Battle Maiden and 1st Dimension Freakshow. Two, because you can only have three simultaneous Missions on one toon, and these two because of the remaining two, one is almost identical to Battle Maiden, and the other, being a Demon farm, is very slow to solo when set to more than 6-man, with the bosses, so I completed it and opened up my third Mission slot for other things, considering I get bored with less than 8-man because it becomes too easy. The Freakshow farm is my specialty. The map is absolutely massive. It may take an hour or more to clear by standard playing methods (ie: teaming, and not with a retarded build like mine). Also note that Freakshow, especially bosses (being worth the most to kill),  sometimes self-resuscitate, only to be killed again for double the Exp / Influence (money).

Once I finish getting various additional buffs from rewards to tasks that I've been working on, I plan to host a wagered race, in which the candidates solo an 8-man Battle Maiden map. To the victor, one billion Influence. Being that I am a single person, and not a Super Group hosting this event, this prize is slightly unheard of. Alas, this, and the price I've paid in building my toon,as well as the quality (speed) I offer in providing a farming service, justifies my charging (Influence) entry into my farms. And finding a buyer is possibly the easiest task in the game. They'll generally even pay a generic build Fire/Kin, one million per run on Battle Maiden, while the map is only 6-man, and the buyer is often expected to help. Additionally, I've got tricks up my sleeve that ensure the highest possible return per mob for teammates, and so I've (even if seldom) charged very willing buyers up to 5 million per run on the same map (and up to 10 million for Freakshow).

Dime's primary build:

Hero Plan by Mids' Hero Designer 1.401

http://www.cohplanner.com/
Click this DataLink to open the build!

Level 50 Science Controller
Primary Power Set: Fire Control

Char, Fire Cages, Ring of Fire, Hot Feet, Flashfire, Fire Imps
Secondary Power Set: Kinetics
Transfusion, Siphon Speed, Transference, Fulcrum Shift, Speed Boost

Power Pool: Speed

Hasten, Super Speed
Power Pool: Fitness
Hurdle, Health, Stamina
Power Pool: Concealment
Stealth, Invisibility
Power Pool: Fighting
Boxing, Tough, Weave
Ancillary Pool: Stone Mastery
Fissure, Seismic Smash, Rock Armor
------------

Important Totals/Breakdown of Stats and Goals:

+117.5% Rech from 16 Set Bonuses, permanent

+70% Rech from Hasten, permanent

+20% Rech from an Empowerment buff from my SG base, permanent, if I remember to charge it

+60% Rech from 3x Siphon Speed, average stack is around 2x

+100% Rech (chance) from Force Feedback, for 10 Seconds, every 2ish groups

+7.5% from Predator Badge, if I've logged out in a PvP zone to charge it

=

+207.5 - 215% total permanent

+367.5 - 375% maximum, at current, which I do hit several times per run. (avg 300-315)

Working on Time Lord Badge for another +10% Rech

and Geas of the Kind Ones Badge for +100% Rech for one minute, every 20 minutes-ish

... +485% max Rech is fucking unprecedented.

Totals after toggling shields:

23.92% S/L Resistance

39.86% S/L Defense

17.18% All other Defense

112.25 Endurance (Base 100)

3.32% (3.72 points) Total End Recovery/sec (Base 1.67%)

20% chance of +10 End, every 10 seconds

Instant total End replenishment from Transference, available every 15 seconds-ish

1278.05 HP (Base 1017)

.96% (12.24 points) Total HP Regeneration/sec (Base .42%)

Instant +422.57 heal from Transfusion, available every 3-4 seconds

+300% Damage (capped) almost constantly, depending on the enemy, from Fulcrum Shift

Entire spawn of enemies almost guaranteed immediately incapacitated due to stacked AoE Stuns; bosses and even certain archvillains easily debilitated by stacking Holds.

Additional Bonus Powers:

Vanguard HVAS: pet, decent AoE fighter, lasts until you zone, re-earnable

Shivan Decimator: pet, decent AoE fighter, lasts 4 minutes, 5 recharges allowed, re-earnable

Biological Mutagens: buff self, pets, and teammates, +150% Damage, +400% HP Regen, lasts 5 minutes, re-earnable

Sands of Mu: narrow cone melee DoT, perfect for finishing off bosses, earned from 1 year Veteran Badge

Working on Badges:

Time Lord: +10% Rech

-Requires being logged out in Cimerora for another 7 days, and in Ouroboros for another 18 days, so I can't get this til the beginning of March at earliest, provided that I rarely play her.

-Related, if I've calculated correctly, I should be getting my next Day Job Badge on SirWhittock, my main Badge hunter, around noon on Friday. I'll actually get two at once, granting an ally rez power for Sir, and bringing his Badge count to 594 of 637, and 29 of 43 remaining would then be additional Day Jobs and Veterans, requiring nothing but time and positioning, and are projected to be completed in December. Of the 14 then remaining, four are considered unattainable by said character, three require excellent teams and impeccable timing, and seven require painstaking amounts of farming various things, some of which I can accomplish afk, but not until the Day Jobs, requiring logged off time, are done. Way to go, NCSoft, you've got a customer for at least another year.

Geas of the Kind Ones: +800% Recovery, +100% Rech for one minute, every 20 minutes-ish

-Need to do the Croatoa Task Force and some easy defeat Badges

Archmage: +30% Res, +50% Def to all Damage for one minute, every 20 minutes-ish

-A bunch of pain in the ass tasks remaining

Upon compiling this list, I'm realizing how close I am to realizing my vision! Realizing! I can hold my race soon. I just got the HVAS, Shivan, and Mutagens in the last couple days, and I think I can get the Geas and Archmage in a couple more days. Commander and Time Lord will take awhile. Following are screenshots of Dime with the HVAS and Shivan. She is the tallest possible hero, so their size is pretty much outstanding.

 

Thanks, dudes!

Scrambled eggs all over my face.

What is a boy to do?!

Check it out, I got distracted in search of the perfect desktop, and found a multitude of high res, aesthetically pleasing pictures worth hording.

http://wallpapers.jurko.net/widescreen/

http://interfacelift.com/wallpaper_beta/downloads/date/any/

http://abduzeedo.com/awesome-space-wallpapers

http://blogs.msdn.com/mswanson/articles/wallpaper.aspx

http://iunewind.com/category/wallpapers/langswitch_lang/en/

http://www.ndesign-studio.com/resources/wallpapers/

lol @ this one

and this one

and this

this too

this is cool

rofl

Blog title related to the following image found:

Awesome new band I'm listening to these days is Mother Mother. Torrents for two albums as follows:

O My Heart - 2008

Touch Up - 2007

Imagine all the people.

Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution.

-Einstein

I got up and went to the bank this morning, taking Phil in to work, and stopped at Petco, grabbing a new, glass water dispenser for the robot, as he'd destroyed his previous one last night, in attempts to use it as a ladder of escape, gripping the plastic in his deadly jaws.

Crime is on the rise in the immediate neighborhood, as reported by a flyer from maintenance. The weather yesterday was gorgeous, and we'd already predicted activity of this nature, in that all the crazies would be out. Today, a different type of flattery filled the atmosphere, as a new blanket of snow covered our scenery, both days of which are depicted in the tree photos as follows. (Also note the graffiti on the van in today's tree photo, indicating the presence of hooligans.)

Into the afternoon, much time was wasted by browsing online, mostly through digg articles. One of the things I came across was a link to nine free screensavers that were actually useful, and I started using one that displays random wikipedia articles.

I then decided to fix consumables, sitting down for a brief look at Spongebob on the television, which proved hilarious. Now I post, listening to Black Widow, aka Shooney Da Rapper, who I work with at Best Buy, myspace music page can be found here.

Tree photos 01-30 thru 02-03:

And so marks the last day of Just Grow it January, and the first day of Fuzzy Face February:

Consider the following images for comparison between 01-01 and 02-01:

I will now make post of what is advertised, and reiterate on the opening quote.

My posts hit like AoE burst damage, son.

So, the main reason I haven't been making nightly posts is because I've gained a new found interest in playing City of Heroes again. My farming toon has a laundry list of bonus buffs, etc, requiring long term effort, that I plan on collecting. One of these calls for a large inventory of "Vanguard Merits," which I logged on Friday night to find a few of. I figured I'd run a couple missions, get 20-30 Merits in the course of an hour or two, get bored, and go to bed, but a couple of friends online expressed interest in joining me, and I ended up running only one mission, then we joined a failing Rikti Mothership raid, on a whim. After it failed, I decided to lead another run, organizing a couple teams together, and ended up successfully making about 5 or 6 good runs, earning myself, and my followers, over 800 Merits, enough to start using one of the bonuses on my list, requiring 250 Merits per use. The hours flew by, and I ended up retiring way too late for common sense.

The goal purchase is a temporary pet robot tank that fights with you, having decent AoE damage that would make it nice when I solo eight man maps. I'd only use it on the Freakshow farm, because that map is huge, taking a large chunk of time to clear, especially solo, and since the pet will only last until you zone to another map (or either of you dies). Here's a photo of the pet, called a HVAS (Heavy Vanguard Assault Suit):

Since then, I've been playing regularly again, for the first time since my promotion to full time hours.

As I said, I'd post some comics. Since I re-registered rcarhar.net, I've wanted to make a regular submission of comics. I started drawing comics in probably 4th grade, but never done anything with them, other than horde them. I'll start with some random drawings I've done since moving to New York, first with this half-assed attempt, as I this was the least-buried drawing I could readily find. Drawn late one night at work.

Next, I'll briefly discuss a memorable dream I had recently.

I'm up on a deck or balcony, calling across a yard at my mom, and I have something important that I need her to hear, but can't get her attention. Then I'm on that same deck, watching the same mom across the same yard walk out of a building, but this time, I'm ducking and hiding from her. Several short scenarios follow. In last scenario rememberable, I'm a girl wearing a huge winter coat, driving a massive snowmobile with a group of friends riding on the back, and I end in a cataclysmic collision into a wall, jolting me awake in a haze of fear. In the seconds before hitting the wall, though, I realize that during the course of the dream, I've gone through countless, two-minute scenarios, after which I'm transported back in time two minutes, at which point I experience the two minutes again, but in a completely different course, and this is somehow being dictated by some external force, which intends to teach me some valuable lesson in doing so. The only thing I can get out of it is that at any given point in time, there are an infinite set of circumstances that can possibly be experienced. I think of this now in waking, and it reminds me to, as I generally try to do, consider all sides of experience in a given situation.

I have some fucked up dreams, man. It excites me. Some other recent blogs can be found at me old blog on myspace, one in particular from a couple weeks ago being here.

Ending, I will now quote Shooney, as her last track is playing, with extensive shout outs. "Everybody at Best Buy, those are the people who pay me, so I gotta shout out to them."

Another blog, however, is to follow, after I take a shower, start some laundry, and think about further cleaning my room.

It should be noted that during said shower, I hosted my own personal mosh pit to a Clone the Fragile album. It's a wonder I didn't hurt myself.