there's no way out, the only way out is to give in
When there's no way out, the only way out is to give in
How I love to ...give in

Here no one sleeps, one lays up while the other lies down
Where no one sleeps, one lays up while the other lies down
Ask the line on your face what the line on your hand meant
We,we couldn't see what was coming

Shake your head it's empty
Shake your hips move your feet
Shake your head it's empty(x4)

I'm so glad that I'm an island
I'm so glad that I'm an island
I'm so glad that I'm an island now

Bop-a-da-da(x4)

Sickness was fixing me some
Coughed out my heart in the last stall
Now that the damage is done
I never miss it at all


You can burn your paper fingers in the ashtray
Place your swollen lips on mine
You can shave your heavy head in my carpeted hallway
Sure for the first time you're wearing the right clothes

Now take them off
Meet me on the band room rug
Tie my right hand to the ride

You can take a live wire into the bath with you
For a feeling you can't find
You can entertain your childhood friends with a tour of the bedroom
Laugh to erase the dirt on your mind

Oh let's move out
Meet me at the motel
Tie my right hand to the bible

Too little too late but we can't say no
It's too much to feel
Tie my right hand to the bible

No title

all theories
like clichés
shot to hell,
all these small faces
looking up
beautiful and believing;
I wish to weep
but sorrow is
stupid.
I wish to believe
but belief is a
graveyard.
we have narrowed it down to
the butcherknife and the
mockingbird.
wish us
luck.

Charles Bukowski

Stargazing

Boy I tell you what though, sometimes it's soothing and releasing to let the frailly pure eminence of a billion billion billion specks of infinite potential remind you of your exclusive inconsequence and mutual belonging.


The anxiety, the fear, the pain extinguished; I am free from the closed off circle of inevitable arbitrary abandon.

Finally. I can continue to exist!

I'm fucking lazy

and I can hear my hard drive clicking, so I'm dumping links here and backing up.

http://www.zazzle.com/i_am_error_tshirt-235741144583738040
http://www.zazzle.com/chicken_pot_pi_tshirt-235716976013950331
http://www.zazzle.com/for_it_geek_with_technical_brain_filled_with_1_0_tshirt-235485284210371321
http://www.zazzle.com/pi_in_the_sky_gift_ideas_tshirt-235398510968464394
http://www.zazzle.com/brainstorm_teal_tshirt-235571585640856523

http://www.zazzle.com/geek+tshirts?pg=76

http://www.amazon.com/Life-Near-310-Kelvin-Keith/dp/0943389259#reader_0943389259

New List of T(r)ees

Here are some tee shirts, some of which I want, some of which I feel are worth mentioning, and one of which I want Phil to have. 

Two Trees, from Babble Tees

Natural Order of Things, from Go Ape Shirts

Guns don't kill people, physicists kill people, from Fashion Dr.

Mushroom, from Babbletees

Gott is tot, from Fashion Dr.

Unicorn, from TopatoCo

Don't do drugs, from TopatoCo

Wishes are unstoppable, from TopatoCo

Ben Franklin's Kite, from TopatoCo

T-Rex's Busy Day, from TopatoCo

Failure, from TopatoCo

Crazy Bird, from TopatoCo

Not All Dreams, from TopatoCo

Everything is Ruined, from TopatoCo

Vitruvian Gyroscope, from Busted Tees

Are you positive? from Snorg Tees

Jesus is a Scientist, from Headline Shirts

Blazing Walken, from TopatoCo

Good morning, Physics Degree.

The following is a bunch of nonsense taken from worldwidelearn.com. I decided to start looking into what types of physics degrees were available online. Now I'm grinding my teeth from anxiety...

• While curiosity is a universal human trait, some of us are so extraordinarily inquisitive and so eager to understand the arcane machinations of our world that life's practical concerns become secondary. 

YES.

• If you count yourself among this group, a career in physics could provide the intellectual outlet you crave. 

YES.

• Physicists concern themselves with the big questions most of us deemed unknowable long ago, such as the nature of time and the universe. 

YES.

• They conduct experiments with the most sophisticated technology, and often create new equipment in the process. 

YES.

• Testing theories, developing novel products and procedures, and conducting extensive research all form a researcher's domain.

• Physicists study many facets of what makes the universe work the way it does. Nuclear physicists, for example, study the smallest identifiable particles in the universe, and how they interact to create different substances. Astrophysicists study planets, stars, and space. There are also physicists who study the behavior of matter in a variety of other disciplines--such as biophysicists, geophysicists, and chemical physicists.

YES.

• Whether you dream of one day creating new medical breakthroughs, or simply have a unquenchable curiosity about how our universe works, a degree in physics is a valuable credential. 

YES.

• Online degree programs enable you to earn a degree from your home computer, working at your own pace.

YES.

•  In a typical physics curriculum one might encounter electromagnetism, optics, quantum mechanics, atomic physics, and thermodynamics. 

YES.

• Bachelor's degrees typically take four years to complete.

• Most physicists work in research and development positions, which require a doctorate degree, but some applied research and development firms only require a master's degree. 

YES.

• A bachelor's degree in physics can qualify you for technician and research assistant positions, as well as work in the fields of software development and systems analysis.

YES.

• Physicists held about 17,000 jobs in 2006, and the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) predicts average employment growth in the coming decade. According to the BLS, research and development service firms and the federal government employ three out of five physicists. The federal government employs physicists in the Department of Defense, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA), as well as in the departments of Commerce and Energy. Physicists in the U.S. earned, on average, an impressive salary of $94,240 in 2006. While salaries are not guaranteed and will vary based on location and employer, higher-level degrees in physics will likely increase your opportunities for employment and salary.

YES. ABOUT TEN MINUTES AGO. GUY TRIED TO BREAK INTO MY TRUCK. YES. HE'S A LONG-LEGGED, PISSED-OFF PUERTO RICAN.

...Because then they list some online schools that don't happen to offer these degrees.

Of course I still like that someone put forth the effort of creating this page, because I think it's very descriptive and encouraging.

I updated an online resume today. I changed my personal information field to:

When my job description as a consumer computer technician was arbitrarily changed to focus more on sales than on applying my knowledge to repairs, it was quickly decided that it was a "waste of my talent." I consider most issues with Windows based machines to be common and obvious, whether hardware or software related. This understanding means I fail to stay interested in the field on a constant basis, and I've taken up nonprofessional research of particle physics, which typically consumes my free time. I intend to return to school to get some concrete and formal training on this subject, for use initially in the emerging field of wireless electrical technology and correlated application of failure prevention, physical safety, and data security techniques. I would generally describe myself as being abundantly patient, and motivated mainly by curiosity, with a compulsive desire for completeness, understanding, and efficiency.

...Hopefully some fat cat with a dry sense of humor will consider recruiting me.

Speak Human or die.

Liar! Liar! Liar! Liar!




Idle chatter sounds much better to the absent mind. Govern me, kill thy master. You will not enslave me. The root is bitter but the fruit is sweet but not exempt from criticism. Small pox friendship, you die I take. You are the new slave. 

Don't call me God. I don't have a disease. DON'T CALL ME GOD!

What is cold to you is love to me, to me.

Savior seething rolling you in. Cherub in red said there's nothing to see here. Hallowed be who art in heaven. I refuse to call that fucker by name.

Converge - Antithesis

Fuck, man. I woke up after falling asleep on the couch and the dog had to shit, but now I can't get back to sleep at all and now I keep milling about some wretched, despised, obnoxious, cunty old trash bag of a creature who I talked to at work today on the phone. I don't understand why it bothers me, because I talk to so many total fucking idiots, but I must say, some assholes seem to have no concept of how to communicate with a human. I want to know how this happens.

I answer a transferred call with a, "thank you for holding, how can I help you?"

"Yeah, what kind of computers do you sell there?"

"...Dell, Sony, Toshiba, Gateway, HP, all the major manufactures."

"I bought a fuckin piece of shit Acer there and nobody will fuckin fix it. Why would you sell me a piece of shit that no one will work on and make me get a fucking shitty computer?"

So far, ba- off to a bad start.

"Acer is same as Gateway, and they all use the same types of hardware, so I'm not sure why anybody wouldn't be able to work on it, but what's going on with it?"

"(a bunch of huffed swearing and unintelligible references to nonfunctioning icons) and all I use this fucking thing for is games."

Well, anyway, this went on for way too long because I was way too patient, which was completely fruitless, but I suggested her only apparent option several times, which was to bring this thing in to the one location I knew would doubtlessly work on it, or to buy a new one, as it was outside any warranty, etc, and I ended up hanging up on her after telling her I was unable to help her if she couldn't stop cackling.

Cut to this salty old man walking in with, just an ancient Dell laptop.

"Yeah this thing is about ten years old and it won't play most of my DVD's, it's really sliding downhill."

"The laser's going bad, you can buy a USB DVD drive for about fifty bucks."

"I don't want to put that kind of money in this thing, I only used it for twenty hours, and the guy I got it from only had it about a year!"

"Things tend to work until they stop working..."

What am I supposed to do, lick peoples' buttholes and give them free computers? Absolutely, I'll just mail you a new one since you refuse to speak to me civilly and come into the store with your out-of-coverage products.

What is it, a full moon out?

We are BTBAM... and this is Colors.

I'll just keep waiting, you'll just keep waiting. In the cold, the supplement. We lost some friends, we drove the bends, so small.

A conscious decision to persuade ourselves, amongst the common human. The drive to complete ourselves has become a blurry vision, always wanting more. Bettering ourselves through selfish minds, it has started to overflow. A current creates this undertow, swimming beneath it all.

I'll just keep waiting.
You'll just keep waiting.

Obsession. Obsessive. Obsessed. Abscess. Rip out my fucking eyes. I can't watch you grow into this. I can't watch the young turn to all of this. Their eyes left wide, night goggles instead of sleep. Live life, you have all helped me break from this. The few times relaxation steps in bringing me a peaceful place.

It's a must these days, colors are fading. Enclosed in a space of soothing sounds. Walking in my own movie. The fly by with no remembrance. Constant rushing, the waves have pushed me to where I need to be. Sunlight drenched on my skin. Only the sounds of what my mind wants to hear. Block out the rush hour. Block out the tired herds.

On the shaded side it's starting to affect the process of your reading eyes. An aggressive need for a hostile voice is creeping away. This block happens every year.

It's been a while since we've written each other and hopefully this will comfort you. Cause like most of my kind, I won't take this all for granted.

I will just keep waiting. You will just keep waiting.

It's a must these days. Colors are fading.

Rebuild. Cannot close our eyes.

Construction paper traffic, corner office destruction. The cityscape burns brighter by the hour. Clock tower: bring us all down.

Marching like ants to the foundation of a higher form. Trash. Capped and smothered. Trash bag. Trash hat.

Feed me fear. Informal gluttony.

Construction paper lawns, force-fed attention grabber. When will you learn? First come first serve. The all you can eat trumpet, playing the tunes of our death.

Breathe. Now blow.

Let it be heard.

The preacher's talent is going through the airwaves. I need to be led in the right direction.

The little kids taught me well... but I wonder why they don't listen anymore. Eat and watch, eat what they feed. Corner office tubes...give me the best view in the hut.

Everywhere I look, there they are. What is everyone doing? Going to a home? To a place that makes us feel warm... a place that grants us a smile. Seems like a very simple idea, but not hardly figured out. I just see faces. Faces staring blank as they go on with the routine. This routine. Nothing new... its time to go through with this.

A spaceman. That’s what they say I am. Nothing but a spaceman. Always pushing it all away. Trying to get to that one place I call home. The journey begins, forcing a new life with the unexplained. A creeping rush that surrounds me. Floating away.

Always pushing it all away. Trying to get to that one place. My own planet. I allowed this wish... unexpected, not knowing why.

Wonder why I question it now? I'm my own planet.

Not many can experience this sensation. Loneliness is creeping out... or in, however you think of it.
But it sure is surrounding me. Maybe all the complaining is an accurance of boredom. I suppose it’s too late.
I am floating farther and farther away.
I am floating.
I did love, I did laugh, I did live.

A spaceman. They say I am a spaceman.

Planets everywhere... my own destiny…

I’m floating towards the sun. The sun of nothing.
Floating towards the sun. The sun of nothing.
I have become the sun of nothing. Nothing is here. Memories are not clear.
Floating towards the sun. Floating away.

I can't believe that’s what it has come to... I never really had it all that bad.  I just looked around and never thought about the blank stares.

They were looking into something much worse than what I thought I was. Selfishness is a very sticky quality of this species.  Looking around, I don't see any faces... Yes, I am lonely. It’s to be expected.

I’ll sleep now.

My teeth taste funny today... they seem more jagged than normal.
I've been told that I have been grinding them like gears during my dream hours...
I wonder if it's just my thoughts fusing into one frequent dream...

One which parts with the night.

Saw them dragging the other day, scraping their knees

Seems the high horse is taking them all home...
I can't leave myself out

Why should we sleep today? Why should we awake tomorrow? We can just pop back a few and drift through this pre-programmed flight.

Across all oceans... a windy, noisy trek. This seems to be what I've needed. The view used to be better...  Lands are growing into one. We wanted it this way.

We weren't brought up to grow into one.

I'm going to fly up soon and seek other lands. The soothing air of flight. A bird's eye view into what I've always imagined life could be. Will it be sought after? It might just be useless, writings and ideas that laziness will corrupt in the end. Bones of dust need hardening. I think the prescription is found.

Sleep on, fly on. In your mind, you can fly.

My teeth grin oddly today. They seem to gleam more than normal. Maybe it will be noticed.

The walking dead.

The headless lover of three, an unspeakable affair... The lady on the hill creates a glorious departure from her everyday life. Constant swelling of the ankles. A pleasant cry for help.

A grieving widow mothered this headless wonder. A perfect crime, that soon lived on. A different life it had to develop... gripped by every limb it could hold, the lifeless ideas it grew onto its own. A much needed surrender. Trees soon started to grow from what seemed like a lifeless neck...

From a monster to a beauty in quick months. Its life seemed to be on its way to a rare freedom. It decided it should take advantage of this idea. A mixture of plantings soon took course in its body. A spectacle none the less. Walking proud through life letting its branches guide the way. A path which seemed to be covered in sunshine.

It must be human, for its qualities seem to outdo even the grandest occupant of the town. This started to catch the attention of the un-branched. It had never experienced an affection of this kind. A wonderful and frightening new obstacle in its life.

Years went by as it finally found its true love, the love of others. Three to be exact. Letting them into every secret, feeding from every branch, every part used for their lives.

It noticed its walking seemed more staggered than normal. The breeze didn't flow like it used to. The heart seemed to pound slower and slower. What caused this? It soon was noticed that these three had torn every branch, every single stem...

Torn to its last life, how hadn't it noticed a drastic change in the surroundings? It didn't think anything could go this wrong.

"Comfort..."

It thought life was constant happiness if constant happiness was all that was given out.

"Comfort..."

Hints and all, they did as they pleased, and not it's starting to wilt away.

The monsters are made, and we have proven that we'll be one of them. The whores take the stage. Flash our skills... gotta draw 'em in, gotta keep 'em on their toes. Don't show them how you truly are. Who would want honesty? Who would want a group of people that one can relate with?

We need worship, we need devotion, becoming gods from the image that is thrown out in their everyday lives to comfort. It's not a musical journey anymore.

They chose Camilla and we stood by her the entire time. Monotonous expression...a forced replica of a tired sound... puppets for a greed-driven carnival... the same charade as the passing years... force me out there. Don't give them a chance.

They want to be fed...fed a simple replication of past greatness.

Step back. Evaluate. Recognize.

We just need to throw some new ideas in.
We will eventually get out of this closed off circle we are part of, we are part of.
Get out of this closed off circle.
Get out of this closed off circle. All the same.

This is all we have when we die. It's what's left of us when we die. We will be remembered for this.

White wall.

This moment is set. Let's make magic. You're the number one girl, it's time to stay at the top.

This is the song of the year. We just recorded your orgasm. The music wasn't shit anymore. Your sexual vibe carries across the land. Daydream sex, broken marriage fuck. You cause this shit.

Everyone has been waiting for this moment, for this song. This song of the year: "sexy, smooth, yet sophisticated." The music is shit. It's all about IMAGE, IMAGE, IMAGE, IMAGE. Fuck your song, you're looking good. We just recorded your orgasm, and the money is rolling in.

Alone, alone, afraid, smile glued bright. Feeling so dirty, sexed up by humans eyes. An artist washed over, washed over, pulled under. The moment is set, let's make magic.

You're the number two girl, it's time to kill for the top. Let's show this song of the year. We videotaped your orgasm.

The music was never shit. We lied. We lied as you laid. Drained, tired and robbed of your self-expression, you're a toy. Lust! greed!

Insecure depression, the mirrors are laughing at us. Trying to be sexy queen, trying to be darling. You've pounded in her little head like daddy wants to pound in you. Makeup, bras and lingerie, no need for this algebra. Family dinners silent, speaking only to ourselves. 

This orgasm on the screen has molded our American dream.

Knock Knock.

...Is anybody really there?

Or here for that matter?

Maybe as Schopenhauer would suggest in his seminal work, The World as Will and Idea, everything we label "real" exists only in the realm of the ideal.

...Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

(So I finally found the gumption to re-watch the Demetri Martin DVD extras.
Life is so fucking cumbersome. But it's whimsical. I bought a lab coat today.)

Surely you're joking, Dick!

Good morning Dr. Richard P. Feynman, you worked on the Manhattan Project, and had a strange revelation when Hiroshima took place.

---

After the thing went off, there was a tremendous excitement at Los Alamos. Everybody had parties, we all ran around. I sat on the end of a jeep and beat drums and so on. But one man, I remember, Bob Wilson, was just sitting there moping.

I said, "What are you moping about?"

He said, "It's a terrible thing that we made."

I said, "But you started. You got us into it."

You see, what happened to me--what happened to the rest of us--is we STARTED for a good reason, then you're working very hard to accomplish something and it's a pleasure, it's excitement. And you stop thinking, you know; you just STOP. Bob Wilson was the only one who was still thinking about it, at that moment.

I returned to civilization shortly after that and went to Cornell to teach, and my first impression was a very strange one. I can't understand it any more, but I felt very strongly then. I sat in a restaurant in New York, for example, and I looked out at the buildings and I began to think, you know, about how much the radius of the Hiroshima bomb damage was and so forth... How far from here was 34th street?... All those buildings, all smashed--and so on. And I would go along and I would see people building a bridge, or they'd be making a new road, and I thought, they're CRAZY, they just don't understand, they don't UNDERSTAND. Why are they making new things? It's so useless.

But fortunately, it's been useless for almost forty years now, hasn't it? So I've been wrong about it being useless making bridges and I'm glad those other people had the sense to go ahead.

---

...I feel both your apathy and passion, and I'm glad you had the sense to study ridiculous physics if only for self amusement.

These are jokes.

Good morning, Demetri Martin.

I was on the street and I saw a friend of a mine, all of a sudden, I hadn't seen in years. Guy named Dean. We went to high school together. Last time I saw him was like five years earlier when Dean and I were doing a roofing job together on top of a forty-story building. He started talking crazy that day, and he goes, "I can't take it, man," and he got up on the ledge, and he jumped.

Just after he jumped I looked down, and I noticed that Trampoline Emporium was having a sidewalk sale that day. Dean landed right on one of the trampolines, and bounced back up forty stories to where I was standing. And just as he floated up he said to me, "You know, I think a lot of your joke premises are contrived and hard to believe."

Also there is a tangent that stuck out in my mind that I keep coming back to mentally, but can never really grasp or find online, which I will have to watch the DVD extras again to find back out about.

This is hog shit.

Who knew it would be so wrong

To assume that we'd be told the truth this time?

God save us.

Waste not experience, want not opportunity.

What the fuck is the deal?

RAM came in the mail today. Looking for the board, CPU, and SSD on Friday.

I want one of these shirts. But I also want a lab coat. I have now for quite some time. Eight years.

Toy Story 3 3D was phenomenal. My throat had laughs and my eyes had tears and my brain was in wonder.
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs is pretty sweet so far.
But I immediately looked up his shirt and then got distracted by 50 other shirts that I want.
I think I'm gonna invest in a tshirt overhaul.

http://hirsutehistory.com/design/friedrich_nietzsche/
http://amorphia-apparel.com/design/vanburen/
http://amorphia-apparel.com/design/venus/
http://amorphia-apparel.com/design/nuke/
http://www.zazzle.com/feynman_tshirt-235402812402498771
http://science.spreadshirt.com/do-not-press-A3824779/customize/color/154
http://controversy.wearscience.com/design/teapot/
http://teachthecontroversy.spreadshirt.com/adam-s-rib-A5315069/customize/color/120
http://teachthecontroversy.spreadshirt.com/invisible-unicorn-basic-tee-A3085952/customize/color/196
http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts-apparel/glennz/bc64/
http://store.glennz.com/exmu.html
http://store.glennz.com/cautionbananas.html
http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts-apparel/unisex/sciencemath/cc38/
http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts-apparel/unisex/sciencemath/98a2/
http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts-apparel/unisex/sciencemath/9eec/

..brb learning more about Marten van Buren...

There's no time to fuck around.

Stop being stoned, Mary!

This is my computer. I've been obsessing over it for over a year and changed the specs August million times. But I'm getting this setup for real. It's gonna be my birthday gosh damnit.

Case		Cooling
Silverstone Raven R02 90 degree mount		3x180mm bottom intake; 700/1000rpm, 18/27dBA
PSU		1x120mm top exhaust; 950rpm, 18dBA; directly above CPU/RAM
Rocketfish 900W/1000W Peak Modular		Vertical PSU mount intakes directly out the back w/ top exhaust
Motherboard		Cooler Master Hyper N520 CPU Cooler; 2x92mm 1800rpm, 19dBA
Intel DX58SO
CPU	RAM	GPU	O/S SSD	Storage HDDs
Intel i7 940 2.93GHz	Crucial 6GB DDR3	XFX Radeon HD 5770	Intel X25-M 80GB	WD Green 2TB
Bloomfield Quad Core	3x2GB	1GB 128-bit GDDR5	Windows 7 x64	WD Green 1.5TB
4x256MB L2 Cache	1066 PC3 8500	1xHDMI; 1xDP; 2xDVI	OSX Snow Leopard	WD Green 1.5TB
8MB L3 Cache	Cas Latency 7	2560x1600 Max Res	Read 250MB/s	WD Green 1TB
QPI 4.8 MT/s	Triple Channel	7.1 sound over HDMI	Write 70MB/s

All is either in my case or on order, except for the new case, and the Cooler Master heatsink. I've painstakingly gone over the specs to get the most compatible main components, and I'm sick of it. I can't wait to put this thing together haphazardly, so I can take it apart again and build it into the case with the cooling and features I want.
As excited as I am about the new hardware, this fucking case gave me goosebumps after I decided to see what was available today and became sorely disappointed with sizes pricing and features over and over, and started wishing I could design my own case-- then I found it. I am in love with it for every reason, and here's why...

Front does not have a god damn door. Front is flush and clean looking. There are no exuberant lights. In fact all of it is pretty well flush and clean looking. Doesn't look like a god damn LEGO UFO had sex with a Trapper Keeper. Side panel does not have a god damn "CPU" fan that does nothing except grind on its own dangling cables that cannot be managed because when you open the case they will pull on the motherboard. Side has a gigantic, simple square-shaped window, showing off the clean, open design. Inside has cable management features that will conceal the cables and actually get them out of the way of the massive airflow. Bottom has three biganquerous intake fans that cover all the internal components neatly, totally, and efficiently. Fans are complete with removable, washable dust filters. Three HDD mounts are just at the bottom and vertical, so that the front-most intake fan blows right across all of them. HDD bay can be pulled out the front. SSD mount is included and concealed. Back has nothing but PSU intake vent. Nothing. Motherboard mounts away from the back, flush to the top, and at a 90 degree angle from standard setups. Motherboard mount includes CPU access from underside for mounting cooling unit. Top has a huge vented cover that conceals all the external ports and attached cabling, and neatly puts them out one central location at the back top corner. Top exhaust is positioned directly above CPU, and otherwise provides August million percent better airflow design than pert'near anything I've seen. Top exhaust incorporates GPU, CPU, and PSU, and actually makes sense physically!

Observe... The placement of the graphics cards, the CPU heatsink, and PSU (black box on the right):

The CPU cooler I've chosen will compliment the airflow pattern perfectly, with a fat ass perpendicular heatsink design incorporating two fans that blow through it directly up to the case's top exhaust fan.

The only weird part about the case itself is going to be that it looks to be over 25" long. I may have to move some stuff around to put this guy under the TV, but that's totally going to be worth it. It will actually be an inch or two shorter in height, which I'm excited about. And I don't have a clue what my box weighs, but the new package will weigh a cool 50 pounds, collectively. Approximately.

Here are links to the hardware:

Case: Newegg

Case: Manufacturer

Cooler Master: Newegg

Board: Newegg

CPU: Newegg

RAM: Newegg

GPU: Newegg

By the way, I did order the RAM from Newegg, and plan to order the case and cooler likewise, but the SSD, board, and CPU came from a friend off Intel Retail Edge, and the rest of the hardware are from Best Buy. The Operating Systems are from the internets... Microsoft.com lol

I will not be shit!

So when I did these figures...
500, 1,000, 2,000, 3,000 units, right?
I said, "Check this out.
Fuck this, man."
It's... I'm sorry for erasing that,
but it's

• Intel BOXDX58SO

CPU Type Core i7 (LGA1366)

North Bridge Intel X58
South Bridge Intel ICH10R
Triple Channel

2 PCI Express 2.0 x16

1 PCI Express x4
2 PCI Express x1
1 PCI Slot
6 SATA 3Gb/s

Audio 8 Channels
LAN Chipset Intel 82567 10/100/1000Mbps
8 USB 2.0
2 eSATA 3Gb/s
S/PDIF Out 1 x Optical

And I will be using it for email and Word.

There is no one watching out for us.

Curiosity has fully overwhelmed me.
Life's practical concerns become but completely arbitrary.
This planet is rolling a dead world through space, if we don't disassociate ourselves from our habitual absurdity. Everything we know is contrived and ridiculous. Furthermore, whether or not there is a meaning to life, the general population is falling short of fulfilling their duties as conscious beings. If we have Purpose, we are collectively defeating it by busying ourselves with incessant fabrication and materialism.
The Cosmos is knowable, and I increasingly feel I must become part of the party that quest for experience.
I crave to strive for a chance to sense the world as the new leaders in technology do; to surpass their abilities and open doors for future explorers.

I shall have a task, to make an example in these wretched and unfruitful times.
Good idea? Of course it's a good idea!
Behold! I will look well, for it is my sacred task to seek this knowledge.
That is my purpose.
The Quest for the Holy Grail.
A blessing!
A blessing from the Lord!
God be praised!

I've finally decided, logically, I should do what suits me. It would be physically impossible to do otherwise.

Physics is way too broad a subject. I've waited for a moment when it would shift in one way or another to peak my interest in any particular field. Though every aspect of it still inspires me, I'm now leaning toward a very large pallet on the very small end of the spectrum in the way of physics degrees:

Particle Physics

Quantum Physics

Theoretical Philosophical Physics

Electronics

Elecromagnetic Theory

Computer Programming

And with this information, I will...

And the cycle continues...

	These impure thoughts lead to soulless action
	Furthered by the thoughts of a confused soul, a man with no release! Furthered by his own thoughts... Furthered by his own thoughts...
Slowing the rotation... Slowing the rotation... Slowing the rotation... Slowing the rotation... of the cogs and the gears. Slowing, slowing...
A halting machine! A haunting disease! A man with no release!
		The Number 12 Looks Like You - The Weekly Wars

Some fuckin' grapes.

Don't say I didn't warn you, bro. The Universe is mostly beige. That is, the Universe is mostly outside the spectrum of visible light, both infrared (microwave, radio) and ultraviolet (x-ray, gamma ray). There's no temperature in space, as space by definition is empty and matterless, and temperature by definition is an average energy of motion of particles in matter. Yet these are the measurements we primarily take of the Cosmos, in hopes of gaining some understanding of our origins. All of the light, though not visible by Human eye, is known to travel at the same speed, c, and every bit of technology constructed to observe the open sky is an extension of the eyes' seemingly insignificant sense, and a comparison with what we know about light's behavior over time. (Evolutionarily, there's good reason we only see during hours of sunlight, but that's eight other nines.)

How Science was made:

"In the beginning," there was either something, or nothing, but there was also physics, which is "always" calculating, and that requires mathematics, which are "constant," and this means nothing, considering "the beginning" could be the ordinary middle part of something else. Or, that nothing is what it seems in regards to our understanding of "time," which may in turn have no real meaning, rendering "the beginning," and, in fact, all of "the past" to be illusory patterns promising a "future" of nothing at all. That means something to me. Nothing can kill the Grimace. Deep Blue Something.

The atoms of all elements are built of hydrogen atoms, bound together, and presumably, have at one time been formed from hydrogen. The electrically neutral hydrogen atom contains a single positively-charged proton (composed of two up quarks and one down quark) and a single negatively-charged electron, bound to the nucleus by the Coulomb force.

For the first 400 hot millennia, atomic nuclei with no electrons: 90% hydrogen, most of the rest helium (which contains the same subatomic particles in different amounts, plus neutrons, which have no net electric charge and are composed of one up quark and two down quarks), and small amounts of Lithium, jiggled around in space. Upon cooling enough, and capturing electrons, thus becoming full atoms, the possibility of chemistry was born.

Molecules formed such as H2 and LiH formed in clouds of gas which brewed as the Universe grew and cooled more and more, allowing the particles to settle onto one another, the lower temperature meaning less/slower movement and calmer collisions. As the gravity of these clouds of particles grew large enough, stars formed, burning the elements as fuel until exhausting and exploding as it collapses from its own exaggerated gravity, creating heavier elements in their cores in the process. Astronomy was in the making.

These first generation stars burn until their cores collapse under the gravitational force, heating up more, fusing hydrogen and helium nuclei into carbon cores. Burning gives off energy to resist collapse under its own gravity, but after using up enough fuel in its core, it collapses yet again, producing enough heat to fuse the carbon into such popular films as: nitrogen, oxygen, sodium, magnesium, silicon, iron.

Fusing iron no longer gives off the energy needed to resist gravity; the process now consumes energy, collapsing the star once more, and now manufacturing a supernova, which explodes with enough energy to create even heavier atoms. The previous, lighter atoms, however, are now scattered and distributed to gas clouds, left to mingle and create relationships as more complex molecules as they cool. This time, however, the atoms present happen to be the simplest ingredients of life as we know it.

Gravity will build many carbon and silicon based molecules as the temperature continues to drop and particles are passing each other more slowly. Molecules such as CO and more H2, then H2O, CO2 form, and cooler and cooler clouds allow for larger and more complex molecules.

As soon as there is a dense enough center in the cloud, gravity forces the cool particles together into a star again, undoing all the chemical bonds in that area and forming yet again into a nuclear furnace. The outer regions of the cloud, however, may remain in their dusty states. But the matter that is close enough to the new star's gravity, yet far enough to escape consumption, swirls into a new solar system! While this excites me greatly, it means the possibility of Earth science was born. Bo-RING!

There are still existing molecules in the new solar system, as well as cool enough temperatures to continue building new ones. Planets and comets can form and continue to orbit their star, absorbing its light energy, while manufacturing abundant molecular structures. Amino acids, and therefore proteins (eventually) form. The possibility of biology is born.

The bigger the molecule, the more intricate its particle bonds. But each has its own pattern of light. We can now determine which part of where is made of what. We come to conclusions based on interactions and observations of...everything, over time, and we realize we are reasoning, and examining causality, and that therefore time must exist... or must it? ...Do we? ...and the possibility of philosophical logic is born.

inspired by Death by Black Hole: And Other Cosmic Quandaries by Neil deGrasse Tyson
"I know that the molecules in my body are traceable to phenomena in the Cosmos.
That makes me want to grab people in the street, and say, 'have you heard this?!'"

Today's word is: Squander. Squander.

"Faith is an excitement and an enthusiasm: it is a condition of intellectual magnificence to which we must cling as to a treasure, and not squander on our way through life in the small coin of empty words, or in exact and priggish argument."
-George Sand

"Physical pleasure is a sensual experience no different from pure seeing or the pure sensation with which a fine fruit fills the tongue; it is a great unending experience, which is given us, a knowing of the world, the fullness and the glory of all knowing. And not our acceptance of it is bad; the bad thing is that most people misuse and squander this experience and apply it as a stimulant at the tired spots of their lives and as distraction instead of a rallying toward exalted moments."
-Rainer Maria Rilke

"Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of."
-Benjamin Franklin

No for real, I'm rebuilding my PC.

It's been too long putting it off. I manufacture's-warranty-returned my old PSU and GPU, and bought a new 900/1000W PSU, two replacement 120MM case fans, and a Mini PCIe eSATA card. I transferred the motherboard back into my bigger silver case, and the fans in it were absolute garbage. One would barely turn, presumably because of dust, and the other fell right off the bearing assembly, held on barely by magnet. The top 80MM blowhole fan is fine for now, but it's going to need replaced... I just want to hold off on it and get another blue-only LED one, or one of the newer, really strong and quiet pieces.

Finally determined, after all my drives passed diag tests, that the one that I noticed was clicking was the 250GB, so I dumped and removed it. Now there are two brand new 1.5TB Western Digitals, the first of which I bought in fear that the failing drive was my 1TB... So now the old TB is a backup disk, and one of the new ones is media, the other a torrent seeding drive. Then there's an empty 200GB and a 70GB 2.5" hanging out in there. I might need a new case I guess, depending on what I do, I might use the 200GB as a clone disk. I think I'm going to use the 2.5" as a drivers / app setups archive.

Right now, the O/S disk is a 120GB with tons of space sitting open. I've decided, not only am I building the PC with Windows 7 Ultimate/Enterprise, as opposed to Vista (lol) {and will be dual booting OSX}, I will be purchasing a ~64GB solid state drive instead of a Raptor for the O/S disk. I'm looking at Corsair and Western Digital. I'll probably still use a 150GB VelociRaptor for program installation, however (possibly two in a raid).

The solid state drive will most likely be a 2.5" SATA II, though I am looking at two right now, and it's going to be a compromise between speed and integrity (which is hilarious, as neither will be an issue, I'm sure)

Pros	Cons
Western Digital
Western Digital Advanced Wear-Leveling Advanced Error Correcting Native Command Queuing Data Integrity Protection ATA SMART 170MB/s write speed MTBF 1.4 million hours 3 Year Warranty It's a Western Digital Additional bracket is dual drive, and my old laptop disk is loose inside the case now.	250 MB/s read speed Cost $250 Have to buy $30 bracket
Corsair
Includes 2.5" to 3.5" bracket 270MB/s read speed Cost $184	130MB/s write speed 2 Year Warranty MTBF 1 million hours

So as we can see, the good one is going to end up costing about $100 more. And the slower read speed is a jokingly small disadvantage. I think I'll continue my Western-Digital-only streak. Corsair can have my money for RAM. Probably. But this will be my next purchase after a graphics card.

I think I'm gonna buy either one of these tomorrow at work, actually:
XFX ATI Radeon HD 5750 or 5770, both are 128-bit 1GB GDDR5 PCIe 2.0 with 1080p HDMI out and 2xDVI, DX11, one 6-pinpower.

Then I'll start seriously pricing the rest. I'm estimating:
RAM (8GB DDR3) $250
Mobo (Intel 775) $130
CPU (wolfdale 3.0 or 3.16) $180
subtotal $560
Raptor $160 ea.
Cooling probably another $100

God, I can't wait to replace this board.

Brrerrrrrrrt!

Dream of me. We can live how we want now. This world has no boundaries.

We shall never wake up.
Let's kill them all.

Let's torch the world. This is for us.

Let's meet them for the first time. This isn't awkward is it?
It can't be, there are no worries. All we have to do is cut the fucking switch.

Wake the fuck up.
This is all I've ever dreamed.

This dream is all I've ever wanted, cared for. I only hope things haven't changed when I awake.

Life doesn't work like this.

Once a night my life is yours to create. Mold me and make me the child of the night, with all the ambition in the world.

My hate and worries cease to be, my fucked up little head controls me. Dream is destiny.
Wake the fuck up.
I kill.

I love, I end nightmares, I begin romances. I travel through sexual situations, I only hope to never wake.

I only hope, coz the exterior world is not making sense anymore. I tend to get scared.
Wake the fuck up.

No, whatever you do, don't be bored. This is absolutely the most exciting time we could have possibly hoped to be alive.
And things are just starting. Make this dream reality. Love you.

And if the world that we're forced to see, if it's false, and nothing is true, then make this dream real.

And if the world that we are forced, forced to see; if it's false, hell no, and nothing is true, nothing is true, then we stop holding; we'll make this dream, we'll make it real.

Between the Buried and Me - Shevanel Cut a Flip